Reasoning In Running
by Ejdeha
Summary: Gaist's thoughts and writings about the Dragon War, and why he ran. Gaistcentric.


Reasoning in Running

Gaist's thoughts about the Dragon War, and why he ran. Gaistcentric.

-Reasoning in Running-

"I died the day I became a Guardian"- Gaist

I don't even remember when killing the Brood started making my stomach turn, but it was at it's worst when I watched the young Light Dragon woman fall. Her body decayed almost instantly as I felled her. Almost too easily, too fast for a race so powerful. It was the first time I'd actually noticed how east taking their lives was, and it was then I knew why. They simply were not fighting back. At all. They never had. Each one, Dark and Light, none of them fought back.

I remember then throwing up, the sick feeling I'd been having had swelled up, and I was on the round gripping my gut and on my knees. I felt horrible, almost like a sinner. I looked at the dead dragoness, before me, then a strange overwhelming sensation took me, the feeling of two lost lives, and I looked closer, I could see it, the small sign of a fetus. She's been with child, I almost puked again.

At first I couldn't tell what was wrong with me, but after a flood of emotion I quickly realized what it was. Guilt. I had taken the lives of so many of the Brood, and now finally, after the bodies of 234 Brood lay dead at my hands, I felt the sick feeling of guilt. Then I remembered Deis, her warnings. The so called witch had been right. This whole time, she been right. And I dared to threaten her only a short time before imprisoning her personally.

I knew what I had done was wrong, but it was too late for me, and I knew it. I was there in front of that bod shaking on my knees in front of my own mess for what seemed forever. I couldn't move nor could I even think any thought other than _I have to get away, I can't keep committing this sin for God._

Sin. That was a word she, God, had used to describe the existence of the Brood. I'm a determined person, I never do anything unless I see it as the right thing to do. At the time, it did seem like it was the right thing to do. I never thought something that seemed so just, something I'd set myself to, could be so...wrong. I was a boy then, a man of only Twenty or so. I made a mistake, bit I'm only human.

No, I know I'm not human any more,. The part of me that was 'human' died when I became a Guardian...I died when I became a Guardian. The day me and my best friend, Garr, became Guardians, we died.

Garr. Garland. We'd known each other since childhood. We were close, both of us. We'd make the choice together to fight the Brood for God. He was always so serious, and he took his duties as a Guardian very well, never wavering or even showing weakness. There was no doubt in my mind about it, there was no chance of him thinking the way I do now. He'd call it blasphemy, and tell me how disappointed he was in me.

He was the only one I could tell, he'd let me go, weather it was a disappointment or blasphemy or whatever. He's a serious Guardian, but he's not the type to raise a spear to a friend. The other two, Gaw, and the that idiot Gatz, they'd try to stop me, by any means. Not Garr, though he'd threaten or attempt to talk 'sense' into me.

So It was late at night when I decide to pack what little I had to my name and leave our camp. I'd chosen not to say anything to Garr, but he seems so omniscient. He'd been outside leaning on a tree with his spear in the ground blade down. All he did was grunt and crack his neck while adjusting his obi. He knew I knew what he was going to ask. He wasn't going to bother saying it. He knew I'd answer it. I stuck out my arm and pointed at him.

"Just ask it Garr." I said as calmly as I could say. He cracked his neck again.

"Very well, Where are you going, Gaist?"

"It's wrong, Garr." I started to explain, he lifted a nonexistent eyebrow. "This senseless killing. I can't take it. It's wrong."

"What's so wrong about it? We're killing the only threat to the world. They were trying to destroy the world." There he went with the same bull that even I believed for the longest time. The preaching that he and I were trained to know and live by. The way of the Guardians, follow God, and smite the sin she has spent her existence fighting.

"Garr, I can't say I agree any more. I lost it today. I killed a woman, Garr, a drgoness who was with child. That's not all, I've killed — slaughtered children Garr."

"Gaist, you were doing the right thing, the Brood, the evil the carry, it was the only thing you could do." he said with certainty. A certainty that killed me, but angered me all the same. All the years I knew him, i'd not known how ignorant he could be.

"Children Garr, how is a child, an innocent thing even if it's a Brood child, be full of sin. Garr, can't you see them, the faces of the smaller of them, little boys and girls, the blood you've taken from them, and fear and sadness in their eyes. Mothers only getting seconds to mourn their babies before they die, children only getting to call out to dead parents before they are slain and fall beside them?"

I went on, knowing I would not, but hoping I could reach him, make him see the way I did. All that ignorant fool did was shake his head, and give me a look, a condescending look. The look he'd give those he had pity for.

"It doesn't matter now. We have our sacred duty, and I intend to carry it through, and you Gaist?"

It had been a question, and he had a tone I was afraid of hearing. Not because it meant he was going to kill me, which I' sure he could, he was always my superior in battle, or because he was going t make me stay, but because...that tone meant this could be the end of our friendship, depending on how I answered. What little heart I had left was ripped apart then. But I had my answer.

"I can't go and do something I don't believe in Garr, you know that. "

That was where it ended. Our long running friendship and our partnership. Any ties we had that day were severed. I was certain I was too numb at the moment to really care.

"I figured as much, your choice is your choice." he almost whispered it as he pulled his spear from the dirt and with the blade, point away from camp. "Go, You'd die now, but death is too good for a traitor like you."

Those last words stung, but I did leave, I ran away from the war, and I never looked back. I never looked back at the fool called Garr, and the other two Guardians who never really knew what happened between me and Garr, the two who most likely made up stories about Garr fighting me and me fleeing. For the longest time I was a hooded nomad. And I remember passing by a small family, Obviously brood, for this was before the end of the war, they were hooded, much like me, and all four of them were afraid. A small boy clung to his father's knee while they took shelter under the roof of the wood lodge at the Wyndia Checkpoint. I was too guilt stricken to look them in the eyes that day.

And I traveled until the construction of the small town called Cliff. It was perfect for me, out of the way and secluded, as well as difficult to get to. It was there I resided until my last days. This small memo is my only testament to the sin I have committed, the only way I can give apology to the ones I have wronged.

It's been almost five hundred years since I added to this. I still don't believe I'd seen Garr walk into my small little cave with the only dragon I've seen since the war. He'd had the same doubt I did all those years ago, so much that he came to me asking to break Deis' seal. I'd thought he'd entered the Stone sleep by now. But It doesn't matter now. He finally sees, after all this time.

And it's all because of that little Ryu. And He in himself is an interesting kid. He has that longing to know, the emptiness I always thought a survivor would have so I'll grant his request, only if he comes back alone, he must be the one to kill me now. I can hear him and Garr outside, talking. I can hear Ryu and his need to know in eery tone of his voice. He'll coem.

So I write this, knowing I've lived with regret for so long, it's only fitting a Dragon end me. Of course I won't tell him that he has to kill me to break the seal, he'll find out after my 'test' when he does strike me down, so he'll not try to change his mind. He has seen enough sacrifice and loss for one so young. I can tel, he's been through a lot. It's in his eyes.

So to anyone who finds this, I am Gaist, a Guardian under the Goddess Myria, and one of the ones who helped to slay the Dragons all those years ago. You say it was for the good of the world, but here is the truth. The war I fought was as pointless as any war. The Brood were as innocent as any of the children you have or the ones you see around you.

God was wrong, It's not evil to have power, it's how you sue your god given power that makes you evil. It's the man, and the man's heart. A choice.

To anyone who takes the time to read this, weather it's Ryu, Garr, or It's not found until a thousand years from now, maybe you too, will seek the truth. Take my words to ehart.

Gaist.

-the Future of this note-

This note was found by Ryu after he and Gaist fought. They read the note, and the two had a tlak. About Garr's sights on the battlefield, about his past and his kills. The note traveled with them over the sea and after the goddess finally fell, Garr's now stone body was dug up, and he and Gaist, who had to have a statue of him carved, stood as signs of the past. Garr stands now at the peak of Angel Tower, and Gaist in Cliff, where he lived out his days.

-End -

What did you think, was it any good. I wanted to do something form the perspective of Gaist, because he really has no fanfiction dedicated ti him, and I see very little fanart. :D So here is my tribute to Gaist, he who died long before death. Read and Review.


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